Friday, May 8, 2015

7QT: Obstacles to Adulting



1. I've decided that in order to keep order in my house and in my family, I need to be a better adult. Adults don't browse Pinterest or binge watch Netflix shows until midnight. They go to bed at a reasonable hour, wake up early, and get the day off to a great start. However, as I so unfortunately discovered...there are setbacks.

2. Setback #1: my body clock. I always have wicked pregnancy insomnia, and it's become quite the problem lately, seeing as how my kids like to wake up at the crack of dawn. The night before last, I was prepared. I shut off all electronics around 8:00, made myself a cup of sleepytime tea with honey, and diffused a "sleepy blend" of essential oils in our bedroom. Rather than turning on The Walking Dead, I read the Bible and the Catechism (go to this page if you want to read both in a year), and I drifted off to sleep somewhere around 10:00 to the sounds of Gregorian chant. Perfect, right? Except I wasn't counting on pregnancy nightmares. Nightmares involving being chased by a knife-wielding Michael Myers (curse my obsession in my 20's with cheesy horror movies) that woke me out of deep slumber at 4:30am. Naturally, I couldn't get back to sleep.

3. But no matter! If I'm going to try and be A Good, Responsible Adult, I might as well be An Awesome Wife as well. I trudged downstairs, straightened up the kitchen, made a pot of coffee, and got a load of laundry going. Did a quick budget analysis for the day (how professional can I GET?), and contemplated doing a morning pregnancy yoga DVD. Contemplation was as far as I got.

4. Down come the husband and our kids somewhere around 6:30. Husband is delighted with the fresh pot of coffee to greet him (clearly, this doesn't happen too often), and children demand breakfast. My offers of scrambled eggs with cheese and wheat toast are shot down in favor of Chex. Happiness was ours for about 2 minutes, until the dog  jumped up on the kiddie table and stole Alessandra's cereal. Screams ensued. Already feeling the beginnings of a migraine, I put the dog outside, replaced Alessandra's stolen cereal, and attempted to enjoy my coffee in peace.

5. Make plans to take children to the park in the early morning. Great plan. Foul-proof plan. Kids will burn off much-needed energy, get some fresh air, and I will feel like Awesome Mom for getting my kids out of the house for an hour or two. Look outside...big storm headed our way. Drat. Convince kids that homemade smoothies and multiple renditions of The Cat in the Hat are just as good as the playground on base. Kids give me skeptical looks, but fortunately go along with it. Suckas....I mean, great, they bought it. Children lose interest after an hour of stories, and I can already feel my back beginning to spasm. This is no good, this is not right, why must my back hurt day and night?

6. Step away from Dr. Seuss. Break a cardinal parenting rule and allow the kids to watch a movie in the middle of the day while eating an oatmeal raisin cookie (at least it's homemade...grasping at straws here). Take a Norco and make myself a cup of tea. Realize with sinking feeling kids are quickly losing interest in the movie. Check clock...only 9:30 am? Are you kidding me? Briefly allow myself to indulge in dreams of being a crafty mom. I bet crafty moms have a ton of rainy day projects on hand just waiting to be completed by their kids. Berate myself for being craft impaired. Feeling slightly foolish, I offer up crayons and coloring books. Rejected. Again.

7. After many hours of children's books, an episode of Octonauts, a failed attempt to make dinner (I hadn't made my "Adulting" vow before going to the grocery store last week, and I was missing a few necessary ingredients), I gave up all hope of maturity. I threw together a French toast and bacon dinner for the kids, and a bastardized taco skillet for Will and I after rummaging around in my pantry. I played Hooplakidz nursery rhymes on my phone while Tony and Alessandra danced around the kitchen, and almost collapsed in relief (and pain, thanks degenerative disk disease) when Will walked through the door at 6:30. So, adulting may be out of the question for me. At the very least, I can take comfort knowing that by the end of the day, the house wasn't in flames, no one had any broken bones, everyone was fed, and CPS didn't show up.

It's important for adults to have high standards.

For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum!

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