Saturday, August 31, 2013

Dear Teething


I get it. You don't like me (okay, you don't like my babies either) and I don't like you. However, I had mistakenly assumed that we had now arrived at a wary understanding of one another. You made my life an absolute living hell when Tony was between the ages of 5-7 months. I like to refer to that period as the "oh holy sweet Jesus will I ever sleep AGAIN??" time in my life. 
Note the glazed-over look in my eyes. Poor Tony was waking up every hour on the hour screaming in pain.
 Thankfully, we survived that period. How, I don't know. It was particularly brutal because Tony was a wonderful sleeper from a young age. As in, by four months he was sleeping 12-hour stretches throughout the night. Which, to be perfectly honest, made the teething period even more brutal. There's nothing worse than to be lulled into a false sense of security when it comes to your baby's sleeping habits, only to go back to the newborn phase at the drop of a hat. I would smile confidently at strangers who would compliment me on my sweet little boy, and I was more than pleased to tell them that Tony was such a fantastic sleeper. Trust me, I was eating my words when he entered teething with a vengeance at five months.

Now I have Alessandra, and while I knew this wasn't going to be easy...I didn't think it was going to be this hard. My poor little girl is in so much pain. Her gums are swollen, she's drooling constantly (refer to the picture below), and she's waking up even more than usual throughout the night because she's just miserable. All I can do is nurse her, which comforts her slightly but MAN I'm in pain just thinking about it. She's back to her awful newborn lazy latch, and I had to rummage through my bathroom cupboard to break out the nursing nipple cream. I just know everyone wanted to hear all about that.
My attempt to like slightly more "with it," if you will. I decided the Zombie Apocalypse look I was sporting during Tony's teething period wasn't very attractive.

So, teething, I think we've established that you're set on making my household an unpleasant place for the next couple of months. Fine. I realize there's very little I can do about it. Fortunately for this mama, I live in a state where the residents apparently hate the teething period in babies just as much as I do. They decided to combat your dreadful presence with frozen daiquiri stands for all of us parents who are at the end of our ropes. So, if anyone notices I'm making frequent references to the "sangria/margarita swirl" (my personal favorite), The Wild Screw, Vodka Freeze or Grape Haze...you'll know what I'm dealing with over here. 

*raises glass to fellow parents battling Teething From Hell*

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