How to be a Good Italian Wife

  When I got married, I wanted to be the perfect Italian wife. Not being a full-blood Italian, I wasn't sure it was possible for me to accomplish such a feat, but I figured with enough practice and determination, I could pull that whole Italian housewife gig off without a hitch. Trust me on this, ladies. Billie at Bossy Italian Wife came up with this fantastic list, and I wanted to piggyback off of her's and share my own thoughts and suggestions. All in good fun? Absolutely. You know the saying, though..."happy Italian wife, happy Italian life." Or something like that. Buona fortuna, donne.

1. Enjoy eating. Period. If you're eating TRUE Italian food (seafood, lean meats, fresh veggies, pasta, cheese, and a little dolce to finish it off), you don't need to obsess over calories. Real Italian women will give you the malocchio if you even mention the word "Atkins."

If Monica Bellucci doesn't skip the prima piatti, neither should you.

2. Dress to impress, even if you're just going to the grocery store. Don't forget the red nail polish and red lipstick. Be bold or go home.

3. Keep a clean home. You don't want the other Italian wives talking about you.

4. Kisses for everyone! There's no such thing as being too affectionate.

5. Go totally overboard every weekend with Sunday dinner. Also, make sure you know how to make a mean tomato sauce (or gravy, whatever floats your boat) and batch of meatballs. Bonus points if you can your own tomatoes.

6. Keep your wine rack stocked with Chianti, Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, Sangiovese, Pinot Grigio, and Orvieto. Keep your liquor cabinet stocked with Amaretto, Limoncello, and Sambuca. A little Campari never hurt, either.

7. Know the difference between sexy and trashy. You don't need to show an obscene amount of skin to have every eye in the room on you.

Sexy

Trashy

8. Never miss Mass.

9. Drink coffee every morning, and make sure you brew it with a Corning Ware percolator. Gotta keep it old school.

10. Wooden spoons. Love 'em, collect 'em, use 'em. 

11. Use over-the-top hand gestures whenever possible.

12.  Play Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Tony Bennett on your iPod. Dance and sing along to their songs with your kids. It's never too early to learn all the words to, "That's Amore."

13. Tell everyone you meet that they're too skinny, and they should come over for dinner. Make enough food to end world hunger.

14. Respect your elders.

15. Wear colorful bandanas in your hair, especially when you're cooking.

16. Do everything-cleaning, dancing, yelling, cooking, fighting-with passion. If you don't have the loudest voice in the room, you're doing something wrong.

17. Hang both a rosary and corno around the dashboard mirror in your car.

18. Have an image of Padre Pio hanging up in your home.

19. Make frequent trips to the beauty parlor for your hair, nails, and skin. Yes, even though it's 2014, it's still the beauty parlor.

20. Be on a first name basis with everyone at the Italian grocery store, the Italian bakery, and, of course, the beauty parlor.

21. Shower your children with kisses. Dress your daughter like the little principessa she is, and always tell your son that he is mama's special boy.

22. Rock a pair of Gucci sunglasses.

23. Never go anywhere without your teasing comb and hairspray. Repeat after me: "the higher the hair, the closer you are to Heaven."

24. Always keep the ingredients on hand for your signature pasta dish. This will come in handy when a friend or family member is sick (or dead), or you need to bring food to the church potluck.

25. Live life out loud. Period.